Alhamdulillah

Asalamualaikum.

Well Alhamdulillah both of them are now in a good condition. They're getting better than before. Actually they just need to drink more water to prevent them selves from being affected by those diseases. Poor Mom and him, I love both of Them I can't lose both of them in my life.

And after one by one problem I've settled it out. Mid term paper last night, done. No worry about them, done. For today, here comes another problem. What a troutble maker people around me even far away from me also brings trouble on me. Actually it's my fault, Arifah please accept and admit that you're a stubborn head person. My heart is hard as hard as stone, even you beat it using hammer it won't break, that's my brother said to me. Yes, I'm so stubborn unless someone's threatening me to kill me or something that can affect my life. Arifah is carzy, crazy is Arifah. Tired of being me, when can I change my self from bad to a good girl. Oh daddy how I wish you're still with us. I don't know to whom can I talk to, He's in a condition to get better, mom also not feeling well but getting better.

Poor me, poor my self for being such a kid who doesn't know how to handle her own problems. I'm a big girl why can't I think like a big lady. I should get rid of using big, so I'm like a girl but I want to be a lady so many people will respect me because I'm an adult. I'm tired of being a girl that no one trusts. I want to sleep and don't want to wake up anymore. I hate my self, I can't talk to any one except you my blog. No one's reading this because no one knows about this blog. Hahaha, so chillex my dear. You're alone now lonely lonely little girl, is there any one wants to be with me raise up your butt! NOOOOOO ONE CARE ABOUT YOU MY DEAR WEIRDO GIRL!

I want to sleep, for a loooooooooooooooong time. Wake me up when July is end. I'm still thinking like a kid. Why can't I think like a woman? Am I too slow to understand this world. I want to be like him. He more matured than me, for me all I know is cry cry cry and cry. Problem won't settle by crying my dear. Find the solution and trying to figure it out to settle it all carefully and nicely.

It's like I don't want to talk to any one any more. I hate everyone. Look I'm still acting I mean having that childish thinking. I think like a baby, cry like a baby, sleep like a baby. Am I a baby? What a swine my dear. Swine swine swine. Screw everyone, screw you, and screw me. I'm tired of everything, everything that comes in my mind and in front of me like people passing in front of so I'll hate them like they used to make problems with me, damn my lady, enough all this nonsense!

Walaikumusalam.

Problem II

Asalamualaikum.

I'm here again with some fake smile that I've made after trying to pursue my self to stay strong and to be patience with whatever happened right now. Mom's sick, he's sick and I'm going to be sick of everything that can make me sick. It's not that I hate you guys, it's just that you guys are scaring me with all those sickening thingy until I keep on thinking how can I help them while all of us are far apart? I want to help especially mom. She refusing me to help her, I want to go home and to see her hug her feel her in my arms, all she wants is me to stay here, I'll stay here quietly and calmly. How about my head? It keeps on spinning around thinking of you mom. I feel weak when I hear about you. You want me to ignore you pretending like there's nothing happen towards you there? NO! Oh mother, how I wish I can take care of you right now. I love you Mek and I miss you, without you I'm nothing.

I don't want to talk about him. I just hate to see him sick, I'm weak, helpless and hopeless when I'm with him. I don't want him to know about this because I hate to see him worrying about this kind of stupid things. So I'll keep everything aside and keep on giving him spirits to stay strong and healthy. I hope you know that I love you so much, I care too much about you. Trying to understand you hoping that you'll get better day by day. XOXO I love you boy.

Walaikumusalam.

Problem

Asalamualaikum.

I've got some problem maybe not some but so many problems. Trying to ignore it but it's the hardest thing to ignore something that is very big like problems like I've been through right now. It's like no one can help me except me my self. I used to tell him that I've got so many problems that can't be settle down. He asked me to settle it down one by one. I told him about the problems that I've to face right now in last few days. He said that wasn't a big problems and not so many problems. So am I the one that are problematic right now? Hoo well, I guess.

When I think and think and think again. Yeah! He was right it wasn't a big problems at all. I't just I'm the one who is over thinking about everything. Something that was small I made it big. Women. Hmm hmm. Problem's everywhere. Everything was perfect last night but today not anymore.

Two of my beloved people sick. Mom and him, I'm scared. That cautious feeling in my self after my dad left me and my uncle and the next person I don't know maybe me my self are going to be taken from this world and return to Him. About mom and him, I can bear it anymore if they leaving me. God help me to be strong because I'm not that strong but with you I'm strong. Without you I'm nothing. I'm in PJ and mom in Kelantan. We're far apart, it's not I don't want to talk or to know or to ask about her condition but I'm scared with the answers that I'll receive from one of my siblings that mom is not as strong as before. It makes me sad and weak. I hate to lose someone in my life again. Especially mom, I'm sorry mom I can't talk to you right now. I can't hear your voice right now and I can't take care of you right now.

Is this some kind of traumatize? Sad disorder? When I think about something I'll be extremely sad like I'm the saddest person in this world. Arifah is not that strong but with Allah she'll try to be strong and hide all those feelings behind the smile that is faking everyone all the time. I'm sorry, I don't talk that much laugh that much anymore. I want to laugh but I can't when I knew that both of them are sickening right now.

I only can take care of him right now. Mom I wanted to take care of you. Very much. I want to go home I want to hug you mom. I wanted to hug you like there's no tomorrow anymore. I'm sorry mom. I can't held my tears when I hear your voice. It's so saddening and tearing my heart. That soft voice is going to kill me in silence. All the advice that I've got from you mom, the best advice and opinions in this world. No one can replace your love on me Mom. I love you Mek.

Walaikumusalam.