Alhamdulillah

Asalamualaikum.

Well Alhamdulillah both of them are now in a good condition. They're getting better than before. Actually they just need to drink more water to prevent them selves from being affected by those diseases. Poor Mom and him, I love both of Them I can't lose both of them in my life.

And after one by one problem I've settled it out. Mid term paper last night, done. No worry about them, done. For today, here comes another problem. What a troutble maker people around me even far away from me also brings trouble on me. Actually it's my fault, Arifah please accept and admit that you're a stubborn head person. My heart is hard as hard as stone, even you beat it using hammer it won't break, that's my brother said to me. Yes, I'm so stubborn unless someone's threatening me to kill me or something that can affect my life. Arifah is carzy, crazy is Arifah. Tired of being me, when can I change my self from bad to a good girl. Oh daddy how I wish you're still with us. I don't know to whom can I talk to, He's in a condition to get better, mom also not feeling well but getting better.

Poor me, poor my self for being such a kid who doesn't know how to handle her own problems. I'm a big girl why can't I think like a big lady. I should get rid of using big, so I'm like a girl but I want to be a lady so many people will respect me because I'm an adult. I'm tired of being a girl that no one trusts. I want to sleep and don't want to wake up anymore. I hate my self, I can't talk to any one except you my blog. No one's reading this because no one knows about this blog. Hahaha, so chillex my dear. You're alone now lonely lonely little girl, is there any one wants to be with me raise up your butt! NOOOOOO ONE CARE ABOUT YOU MY DEAR WEIRDO GIRL!

I want to sleep, for a loooooooooooooooong time. Wake me up when July is end. I'm still thinking like a kid. Why can't I think like a woman? Am I too slow to understand this world. I want to be like him. He more matured than me, for me all I know is cry cry cry and cry. Problem won't settle by crying my dear. Find the solution and trying to figure it out to settle it all carefully and nicely.

It's like I don't want to talk to any one any more. I hate everyone. Look I'm still acting I mean having that childish thinking. I think like a baby, cry like a baby, sleep like a baby. Am I a baby? What a swine my dear. Swine swine swine. Screw everyone, screw you, and screw me. I'm tired of everything, everything that comes in my mind and in front of me like people passing in front of so I'll hate them like they used to make problems with me, damn my lady, enough all this nonsense!

Walaikumusalam.

Problem II

Asalamualaikum.

I'm here again with some fake smile that I've made after trying to pursue my self to stay strong and to be patience with whatever happened right now. Mom's sick, he's sick and I'm going to be sick of everything that can make me sick. It's not that I hate you guys, it's just that you guys are scaring me with all those sickening thingy until I keep on thinking how can I help them while all of us are far apart? I want to help especially mom. She refusing me to help her, I want to go home and to see her hug her feel her in my arms, all she wants is me to stay here, I'll stay here quietly and calmly. How about my head? It keeps on spinning around thinking of you mom. I feel weak when I hear about you. You want me to ignore you pretending like there's nothing happen towards you there? NO! Oh mother, how I wish I can take care of you right now. I love you Mek and I miss you, without you I'm nothing.

I don't want to talk about him. I just hate to see him sick, I'm weak, helpless and hopeless when I'm with him. I don't want him to know about this because I hate to see him worrying about this kind of stupid things. So I'll keep everything aside and keep on giving him spirits to stay strong and healthy. I hope you know that I love you so much, I care too much about you. Trying to understand you hoping that you'll get better day by day. XOXO I love you boy.

Walaikumusalam.

Problem

Asalamualaikum.

I've got some problem maybe not some but so many problems. Trying to ignore it but it's the hardest thing to ignore something that is very big like problems like I've been through right now. It's like no one can help me except me my self. I used to tell him that I've got so many problems that can't be settle down. He asked me to settle it down one by one. I told him about the problems that I've to face right now in last few days. He said that wasn't a big problems and not so many problems. So am I the one that are problematic right now? Hoo well, I guess.

When I think and think and think again. Yeah! He was right it wasn't a big problems at all. I't just I'm the one who is over thinking about everything. Something that was small I made it big. Women. Hmm hmm. Problem's everywhere. Everything was perfect last night but today not anymore.

Two of my beloved people sick. Mom and him, I'm scared. That cautious feeling in my self after my dad left me and my uncle and the next person I don't know maybe me my self are going to be taken from this world and return to Him. About mom and him, I can bear it anymore if they leaving me. God help me to be strong because I'm not that strong but with you I'm strong. Without you I'm nothing. I'm in PJ and mom in Kelantan. We're far apart, it's not I don't want to talk or to know or to ask about her condition but I'm scared with the answers that I'll receive from one of my siblings that mom is not as strong as before. It makes me sad and weak. I hate to lose someone in my life again. Especially mom, I'm sorry mom I can't talk to you right now. I can't hear your voice right now and I can't take care of you right now.

Is this some kind of traumatize? Sad disorder? When I think about something I'll be extremely sad like I'm the saddest person in this world. Arifah is not that strong but with Allah she'll try to be strong and hide all those feelings behind the smile that is faking everyone all the time. I'm sorry, I don't talk that much laugh that much anymore. I want to laugh but I can't when I knew that both of them are sickening right now.

I only can take care of him right now. Mom I wanted to take care of you. Very much. I want to go home I want to hug you mom. I wanted to hug you like there's no tomorrow anymore. I'm sorry mom. I can't held my tears when I hear your voice. It's so saddening and tearing my heart. That soft voice is going to kill me in silence. All the advice that I've got from you mom, the best advice and opinions in this world. No one can replace your love on me Mom. I love you Mek.

Walaikumusalam.

Suddenly

There was one night, I was walking alone along the street in a dark. It was like I was trapped in a some place of no where, everything was dark. I was in a dark place. Suddenly I saw a light, a dim light. I thought I was dead, maybe I was dead for a while but after I followed the dim light it became bright and brighter. Suddenly I saw a moving hut (roof made by dried coconut leaves, had four wheels so people who selling the hot dogs can easily moving around from place to another places) selling some hot dogs from a distance, well I love sausage, of course I'll get excited to get near to it. So I ran and ran and keep on running like I've never eat for a year, that feeling was suddenly appeared in my heart after I saw the one and only brightest stall with the darkest background in a place of no where, I don't have any idea where I was at that time, all I thought was "Hell no, ain't gonna let the stall disappear from here, there must be many sausages at the stall plus maybe I can get the biggest sausage in my life."

Okay where was I? Oh, while I was running recklessly towards it, I heard a voice whispering at my right ear. "Dangerous, back off freak!" I stopped running. "Ouch! Don't shout! Just keep going with the whisper next time." While I was almost near the moving hut, popped out three middle age males behind it (All three of them have a mustache with almost six feet heights, wearing black coats and black pedora hats). I shocked and screamed. "Aa! Who are you?" One of them answered, "Well we are the owner of this hut. What are you doing out here alone young lady? Aren't you scared of rapist would be wandering around searching for their victims? Hahah!" They laughed evilly together. "Are you guys the rapist? Aren't you?" Then I shut my mouth hurriedly using my hands, why would I asked them that kind of question. The most idiot question I had asked to male strangers in a middle of no where.This was scariest thing I've done in my life. They stared while smiling meaningfully towards me, I had asked them again, "Wait wait, You guys are the rapist? Aren't you?" I shut my mouth again while patting it. "What an idiot little girl that we have here. Catch her!" One of them told the others to catch me. I thought that one a bit taller than others was the boss of the others maybe smarter than the others that was why he was the boss. So I ran and ran and keep on running again, I ran as fast as I can, I ran all out of my breath, I ran like there will be no tomorrow any more because they ran like jaguars that was why I ran crazily even though I can't run that fast but I tried so hard to run away from them. I turned my head back and I saw their eyes were turning red, guess what I saw their fangs. Well this was more than I expected, "Mam! I'm sorry we're not like you're expecting. We're not the rapist but we're draculas!" They shouted at me in once, I was like oh my God my ears burning listened to what they had said. Well I guess this was it I turn my head in front and I ran like I'm going to shit in a second.

Suddenly I felt my legs like they're heavy, it seemed like it was stuck by something sticky and my hands were holding on something. It was like if I released that thing from my hands, I'll fall with regrets. I can't run anymore my my steps getting bigger and heavier than usual, well actually I was walking using two long bamboo sticks which I had to hold it together using both of my hands to make it balanced so I won't fall (Sticks that used to be use by Jackie Chan to train his kung fu with Low Pa). "Get her! We'll be having a big feast tonight!" The boss shouted at others, two of them stopped and said something. "Wait a minute, well we're struggling getting her and you just shout at us to get her?" The other one said, "Yeah! This is unfair. Why don't you get her while we're staying here watching you to get her plus we're fat we can't run that fast to catch a girl on the bamboo sticks. What? She's riding sticks? Where do the sticks come from?" While they're arguing I was struggling to get away from them. Fortunately I've made it, I lost them but I've got to keep going because they might be searching for me right now. The darkness fading away and now I can see the sky. Well, seriously these sticks made me felt like I was up high in the sky, I can touch the sky and put the stars and the moon together in a group so they'll be happy to be friends, they might can be good buddies like best friends forever story never last. Nah nonsense, well when I looked back again for the how many times I forgot, they all gone, I was so glad but still I've got to hurry. They might be calling for back up.

My legs hurt, I looked at them but guess what I saw, "Woah! What's this place?" Suddenly, I was in Japan. It was like Hokkaido, actually I've never went to Hokkaido but I used to see a picture of that place. It was a blast an awesome place with the flowers, the breeze of the wind from the hills, and the Japanese houses made my woods like cabins almost. Then there was a knocked in my head, "Ouch! That's hurt." I had been stabbed by something on my heart, that stabber made my feeling to search for him, my boyfriend. Well I don't know what was the stabber actually. Never mind, I've got to seek some help from him. I was on my way to his house, well I don't know that I had a boyfriend living in Japan. I jumped off from the bamboo sticks that I used just now, threw it away and suddenly my feet stepped the first step by its own. I really didn't have any idea where they brought me to so I just let them walked by themselves to see where they're trying to bring me to.

Well this was it, a Japanese house like a cabin surrounded by other Japanese houses like cabins. How did they knew this was his house? So I knocked the front door, no answered. I went to the back door, it was sliding door for the back door, it widely opened. "Hello?" I tried to get someone. I was trying to enter his house but suddenly some voice stopped me from doing it. It heard someone was whining, I mean more to crying softly. Then I took a peak. Well guess what, I saw a girl, a beautiful and young girl, she might be in my age, I mean our age crying while standing near the window pane. Suddenly, this part a bit annoyed me, a guy that I called a boyfriend came and pursued her not to cry with a hug. "Panggg!" My heart broken into pieces that can't be collected anymore, that can't be patched by anything, glue, stapler, any kind of things that can fix something. They both shocked and shivered, the girl stopped crying and asked him, "What was that?" "It might be a hungry stray cat, Now now come here girl. Don't be sad, I love you." The girl started to cry again. My boyfriend said that to a girl that I've never saw since I was with him. "Panggg!" My heart was breaking into the smallest pieces that can't be seen by anyone except plankton and other smallest creatures. They stopped again and began to stutter, "Seriously, what was that again?" "Now my girl, it's okay like I said it was a stray cat. Come let me hug you, calm down my dear." He said that, by the way he never pursued me using that very nice tones and words. I was like cursed you Lucifer and Pussy cat! I ran away from the house with sadness and disappointed towards someone that I've trusted, was a loyal and charming man I've ever had in my life. Well, he was a jerk now and then I keep on running. And suddenly, I went home, "This is my home?" A pigsty like with the big puddle fulled with mud and trashes in it while surrounded with fences! "What the Oinnkkk! I just squeled!" I looked at my self in the water nearby the big puddle. Well, suddenly, "I'm a pig?!"

Well, actually it was just a nightmare, one of my crazy nightmare that appeared in my dream last night. Of course, there's no such thing will happen in anyone's life, isn't?

Hippah hippah HEY!

Asalamualaikum

I've been busying my self with the house chores and the toddler but today I'm home alone doing house chores. It's not that bad being alone at home at least you've got your own space to do something without being bugging by someone. Done mopping cleaning the dishes that they ate last night. Of course I sound like a maid. I'm a mad full time every time everyday maid in any house that I've stayed including this house.
But I really enjoying doing this stuffs. I don't have idea why am I so excited struggling doing the house chores.
Maybe it makes me sweat. Yeahh get it I love sweating it seems like helping me to burn my fat not seems but it's burning those fatso that stuck on me. Please lah fats fats go away don't ever come back again.

Now listening to everything has change by Taylor swift feat Ed Sheeran. Okay lah the lyrics do make me touched and I can feel it deep in my heart what the song trying to convey. Ceh cehh puii but seriously I can feel it. Hahah. Okay kay.
Enough with the drama.
Oh plus I don't know why am I easily touched by something that for everyone it's not that sad but for me it becomes extremely sad and I'll cry I don't care I'll cry if I feel like to cry! Yeah my tears are not that expensive like pearls. Duhh. Whatever if I feel like to cry I'll cry and then usually I'll laugh because I don't know why am I crying. Hahah.
What a dizzy sentences gahh.

Oh my Lord Allah!
I always forgot to phone cfs's office to ask them what should I do with BMW should I just go add and drop session or have to settle it down with the Arts and Department?
I'll call em later now I'm tired with the house chores that I've done it just now. Oh man I'm jealous of students that have great grades not like me pffttt.
Wasting my time in enjoying the moment that I have at the cfs without studying hard like other students.
Hmm what a waste Arifah what a waste. But
DUDE I'M NOT GONNA CHANGE.

ARE YA CRAZY? YA HAVE TO CHANGE FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR FUTURE MY DEAR.
Dammit I've got to change it before it's too late and you'll cry without rhythm. Hahah.
-Pepatah Melayu dol-

Hey I'm gonna change changing change changing wallaby bubbly wobbly wooo.
Hippah hippah HEY!
AAAA I've been influenced by baby tv aisar HIPPAH HIPPAH HEY!
MKBye.

Wasalamualaikum.