Asalamualaikum.
I've got some problem maybe not some but so many problems. Trying to ignore it but it's the hardest thing to ignore something that is very big like problems like I've been through right now. It's like no one can help me except me my self. I used to tell him that I've got so many problems that can't be settle down. He asked me to settle it down one by one. I told him about the problems that I've to face right now in last few days. He said that wasn't a big problems and not so many problems. So am I the one that are problematic right now? Hoo well, I guess.
When I think and think and think again. Yeah! He was right it wasn't a big problems at all. I't just I'm the one who is over thinking about everything. Something that was small I made it big. Women. Hmm hmm. Problem's everywhere. Everything was perfect last night but today not anymore.
Two of my beloved people sick. Mom and him, I'm scared. That cautious feeling in my self after my dad left me and my uncle and the next person I don't know maybe me my self are going to be taken from this world and return to Him. About mom and him, I can bear it anymore if they leaving me. God help me to be strong because I'm not that strong but with you I'm strong. Without you I'm nothing. I'm in PJ and mom in Kelantan. We're far apart, it's not I don't want to talk or to know or to ask about her condition but I'm scared with the answers that I'll receive from one of my siblings that mom is not as strong as before. It makes me sad and weak. I hate to lose someone in my life again. Especially mom, I'm sorry mom I can't talk to you right now. I can't hear your voice right now and I can't take care of you right now.
Is this some kind of traumatize? Sad disorder? When I think about something I'll be extremely sad like I'm the saddest person in this world. Arifah is not that strong but with Allah she'll try to be strong and hide all those feelings behind the smile that is faking everyone all the time. I'm sorry, I don't talk that much laugh that much anymore. I want to laugh but I can't when I knew that both of them are sickening right now.
I only can take care of him right now. Mom I wanted to take care of you. Very much. I want to go home I want to hug you mom. I wanted to hug you like there's no tomorrow anymore. I'm sorry mom. I can't held my tears when I hear your voice. It's so saddening and tearing my heart. That soft voice is going to kill me in silence. All the advice that I've got from you mom, the best advice and opinions in this world. No one can replace your love on me Mom. I love you Mek.
Walaikumusalam.
